“Sawadee ka!”
All visitors to Thailand usually experience a warm welcome from Thai people, and almost always leave with a sense that the Thai are wonderfully hospitable and polite. The Thais are naturally friendly and passive towards strangers, which is one of the chief attractions of the country, and much of it is a result of their refined etiquette towards one another. Learning a little about their cultural habits and manners is considerate way to respond and will certainly make your travels in Thailand more enjoyable. It also helps you figure out some of their more bewildering vices!
But, it’s not as easy as shaking hands and speaking politely. Getting off the plane on your first visit to Asia, you will immediately notice how different the Far East can be from our own Western societies, and without the flow of usual tourist service you could easily become confused with all the different behaviour, even offended or offensive by their or your actions. Of all the Asian countries, Thailand is one of the least diluted in terms of culture, having never been colonised. The locals are quite used to foreigners stomping unmindfully through their country but protocol is important here, and though they might be tolerate most Thais might inwardly not be impressed if you appear rude.
Here’s a quick introduction to some of the cultural etiquette that is commonly expected in Thailand;
Knowing your ‘Wats’ from your ‘Wais’
The famous Thai Wai is unique to Thailand and central to daily greeting and interaction between people. As a visitor you’ll receive plenty of wais, as a mark of respect and welcome, and it indicates just how polite the Thai are to their guests. The Thai wai is instantly recognisable; men and women alike will bring their palms together at chest level with a soft bow of the head to show respect to elders, monks, people of authority or customers. It’s also a handy way to say thank you or goodbye (formally). But you get wais, and then you get serious wais. The closer the finger tips are to their nose and the bigger the bow, the more they are respecting you. When you are wai’d it’s polite to wai back, without over-doing it mind you, keeping your hands at chest level.
But as a unknowing foreigner you’ll be excused for not knowing how to wai, and if in doubt it’s probably better not to wai. Don’t go around wai’ing everyone from the tuk tuk driver to the doorman, for you’ll look somewhat ridiculous. On the other hand, if you are planning on staying awhile it’s a good idea to remember to wai those who are older or more important than you when greeting them. This will scored you plenty of brownie points, particularly with sticky officials.
Being cool
Everyone wants to be cool right? Well, Thailand is a ‘cool’ kind of place, where everyone keeps cool, that is with the exception of the occasional impatient ‘farang’ (foreigner). Yup, us farangs just weren’t born with the cool-heartedness of the Thai. We get impatient and intolerant, raising our voices, creating confrontations and causing so many petrified Thais to lose face that they have to spend the rest of their day wandering around trying to find their faces again! (which is why they might not be able or willing to satisfy your own needs).
Thais, bless their fluffy cotton-wool souls, hate losing face, and no matter how incompetent, lazy or useless someone might be, you won’t achieve much by yelling. They’ll just shrink, ignore you and bolt. There is a handy alternative, simply say ‘mai pen rai’ and forget about it. This universally useful phrase can mean, ‘never mind’, ‘forget it’, ‘sorry, I screwed up but so what’, ‘ Oh well, I’ve caused an accident, what a shame’, ‘oh shoot, you booked me on the wrong flight and I’ve lost $200’s but that’s OK’, and plenty of other excuses. Thailand is an imperfect place and the Thai have little desire to improve things by complaining and demanding, they just learn to put up with discomfort that us Westerners would be indignant about. So, arm yourself with plenty of patience and modest expectations, otherwise you’ll simply stress yourself out.
In fact, as fars Thais are generally concerned, most things should be ‘sanook’ (fun), be it the work place, a chore, riding your motorbike four-up or yelling ‘hello, where you go’ at passing foreigners. This isn’t considered rude, immature or unprofessional but simply ‘easy going’.
Don’t put your best foot forward!
Feet are dirty things, so the thinking in Thailand goes. Feet are used for walking on and occupy the lowest part of the body (anatomically and metaphorically speaking). They get dirty in rice fields and on floors and should be tucked away out of sight, never pointed at anyone or used to point. Of course, along come us bumbling ‘size 45’ farangs, insisting on wearing footwear everywhere. Oh my Buddha, just think of all the mucky and dirty places they have been.
Thailand is very much a ‘shoeless’ place and the culture of footwear here is quite different. For one, shoes are never worn indoors, it’s nice and tropically warm and far more comfortable to go shoeless within the spotless indoor environment. This of course means you’ll be removing your footwear a lot; every time you enter a temple, tourist attraction or home, so leave those 20 holed Doc Martens at home and pack your flip flops instead. Just watch the locals, they’ve got it sorted, they ride motorbikes, go hiking, show up at work and even enter construction sites in their flimsy sandals. It works!
King for a day
There’s no denying it, the Thais adore their king. You wouldn’t have been in the Kingdom long to notice this, with His Majesty’s image plastered all over the place, from tiny coins to massive murals. He is indeed a well respected and remarkable man who has earned the adulation over the past 60 years of his reign. In this, the 60th year since his coronation, the praise has reached mass hysteria, and showing any disrespect towards the royal family is likely to evoke a rare outburst or disapproval from the locals. You could even get arrested for it!
Big noodles
Thai society is fabulously wrapped up in a complex and overwhelming hierarchy of status, and every Thai’s elevation up the great bean-stalk of respect is central to their motivation and very being. Age, money, fame or respect through the monkhood or teaching profession count for much in the grand status stakes. Thais will work seven days a week, beg borrow and steal to get the means to command respect, and once in a position of authority they would expect minions to show them respect, whether they have earned the privilege fairly or not.
They drip themselves in gold and periodically trade up to the latest status symbols, such as bigger cars and smaller mobile phones, to stamp their position on the great big ‘high-so’ ladder of Thailand. You’ll do well to notice and work around this, especially when dealing with local village headmen, high ranking civil servants, police, mafia-type business persons and anyone who imagines themselves to be wealthy and important.
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Of course we foreigners afford respect to others for more genuine
reasons based on our own principles and values, but play along with it
all and you’ll find people to be more accommodating. Generally, older
people deserve a wai and politeness if you need to show unhappiness
about something - no matter how much you might think they are dithering
idiots. But, if you are merely a tourist, with lots of money to spend,
you’ll be treated as the respected, for everyone here loves to make a
bit of money out of ‘flush foreigners’.
Expect the unexpected
Common sense takes on a whole new meaning here, as the Thai will make
their decisions based on an entirely different set of values.
Practicality, time saving, quality and efficiency play a much lesser
role than corner cutting, gaining a windfall, following traditional
beliefs, or gaining respect, acceptance or harmony. Foreigners living
here often find it unfathomable why certain habits thrive (such as
ignoring safety rules on the road), or why their hosts carry out
activities in the most bewildering way. Well, in Thailand you fall in
line with everyone else, follow the system and never challenge it.
Your own judgement about whether it’s good or bad is irrelevant and by standing out from the rest and going against the flow, even to make a point about doing the ‘correct’ thing’, isn’t terribly popular or admired. A good citizen is expected to fit in with everyone else and put up with people’s indiscretions or annoyances. Employees and subordinates are taught to follow the rule book implicitly, so don’t expect any lateral problem solving that might call on their decision making and own judgement.
And what goes on beyond your walls is none of your business no matter how immoral, inconsiderate or imposing it is. It may not seem right you, but as the clear minority you’ll only cause more problems by taking people to task. Never suggest to your neighbour he’s treating his dog badly, or tell off a stranger for dropping their rubbish. It’s polite to mind your own business.
Where’s the complaints box?
If there’s one thing that let’s poor Thailand down it’s the upholding of standards, or improving poor services, for no one here complains. This is one important cultural habit that foreigner have difficulty accepting. And Thais have difficulty accepting criticism, for this results in loss of face or confrontation. As far as most Thai people are concerned their country has come a long way in the space of a generation, and they’re awfully proud to be one of Southeast Asia’s biggest achievers. If it’s not yet perfect and has a long way still to go, so what. The system is satisfactory to them and if it isn’t they learn to put up with it.
At first you get indignant with substandard situations, for example all the items on the menu that they’ve always run out of (‘solly that one no have today’). But after awhile it becomes a joke, you just sigh and order something else, for your ruminations and fretting falls on deaf ears. The poor, sweet smiling, waitress gets all red faced and thinks you’re a monster and no one ever registers that it might serve as positive feedback. Let’s face it, the place is cheap, you’ll go back the next week and they still wouldn’t have managed to order enough chicken for the day, who cares. If they ask you what you think, they’ll likely wish to hear that the menus are pretty and the water feature soothing and the soft crooning music well chosen, but never mention that a 45 minute wait for food just isn’t on. If you complain or speak negatively, all that work chatting up the waitress will vanish in an instant!
Thai beliefs beyond belief
Even though the country has modernised and become a lot more prosperous over the past three decades, Thais at heart are still very traditional and bound by modest behavioural habits. For one, they have a profoundly superstitious approach to life, based on an ingrained belief in Buddhist mysticism and spiritual fortune. There is karmic cycle to everything Thailand, according to the popular traditional school of thought, and appeasing the spirits through merit making is paramount if you are to avoid misfortune. This has a overwhelming effect on the daily routine of all Thais as they go about their business, and often leaves us farangs exasperated by the inconvenience.
Don’t be alarmed if your taxi driver takes both hands of the wheel in heavy traffic while doing 100kph to offer a quick wai to a passing Buddha statue. Expect to be held up while merit making takes place or to be shown the long way round to avoid consecrated ground. Be prepared for all sorts of odd shaped construction to accommodate the most impractical of feng shui practices, and get used to all sorts of changes to schedules to meet the most auspicious timing on the calendar. It might seem like mumbo jumbo to us but to the Thai it’s tantamount to inviting the wrath of the spirits if neglected.
Breeding dear boy!
The Thai are also quite conservative and the more middle or upper class they are the more they try to uphold the stiffest of neo-Victorian protocol to assert their manners and status. Lordy knows what they think of us uncouth savages wandering around topless on the beach or slopping around the mall in baggy clothes. We might get the wrong impression, with all the go go bars everywhere, but your average Thai is actually quite shy and old fashioned when it comes to fraternalising. For some young middle or upper class girls, even being seen with a Western man spells disaster among the gossip fiends. Only poor, brown skinned isarn girls ‘riff-raff’ with the free-spending Babylonians from abroad. This might explain why you get a cold reaction when trying hug or kiss a Thai goodbye in public.
Who you hang out with, where you are seen, how you conduct yourself in public and what you wear are all important to the bourgeois here, and there are many striving to be just that. As a visitor you will mostly interact with working class people, tour guides, receptionists and sales clerks whose parents were all humble farmers. But there is a whole middle class you seldom get to meet who uphold Thai manners assiduously. Society here isn’t quite as open as we are used to, and people don’t have the privilege to ignore all around them and behave as they please, unconcerned about what others might think of them.
Even though Thailand is an incredibly noisy place, of tuk tuks, angle grinders and karaoke machines, you ought to go about quietly and unobtrusively to be taken seriously. If you are just visiting you needn’t worry too much, Thais are very forgiving and tolerant of us ‘ignorant’ foreigners. There are lots of other local etiquette habits, such as avoiding touching people’s heads, not making a fuss about who pays (it’s always the richest noodle at the table and considered a privilege), and respecting Buddhist icons and rights. These are all detailed in the useful Thailand Culture Shock (Robert and Nanthapa Cooper, 1982, Times Publishing).
We foreigners are just too confident and pushy to be truly Thai. And being truly Thai is very important to Thais.
 
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Thailand 
